A new chapter is beginning...

you know.. sometimes there are just those times when you feel so frustrated with yourself and just feel so useless.

maybe now is the time im feeling like that.

today training was really screwed up my contact lens were really hurting in my eyes and we had to do swimming time trials today, and keepers had to swim breaststroke. like breast for what! we use free in polo what and thats what we've been training then suddenly make us swim breast. so naturally we will swim slow la then we kena scolded badly by jiaolian, with alot of f-words. woah felt damn lousy already then

after that we had match and like i couldnt see in 1 eye already so my passes werent exactly good... but they werent bad to that extent as to warrant jiaolian directing many more f-words my way! ahh i got damn pissed and frustrated with myself and i didnt know exactly what to do. adding on to that, i didnt exactly do well for chem because my teacher told us that the test was on acids bases and salts but came out it was on bloody mole concept which i didnt study for. what a good job

maybe im just not meant to do this. now i am rethinking this question again. should i play polo in jc? i have harboured huge dreams of playing polo for singapore one day, winning the sea games with the national team. yet is this colossal dream just too much for me to keep it burning? i find myself in school just trying hard to just look at the teacher and pay the slightest attention. and after that during training i just cant focus because im feeling so bloody tired from the night before doing all my work. maybe im just not cut out for this. i dont know. im feeling really confused now and i really dont know what i should do. perhaps i can only take up to here but i am aiming for plateaus that are way beyond me.

but what i was quite pissed about too was how jiaolian was screaming f-words at me when i try so hard and yet im like blinded in one eye and i cant even see properly yet he just keeps screaming those expletives at me. anyway he was saying i was slow. i showed him then... during match there was this long ball and i chionged like some siao rocket because i was really pissed and wanted to show him that i am not slow. i play so hard and i train hard too yet this happens. just cant figure it out.

on a slightly different note, i think i face a moral dilemma.

in polo, there is someone who didnt make the b div boys team this year when he was really expecting to. at that time, his confidence was just shattered and now its still in pieces. sometimes when he is doing shooting i just want to let his shot in, just to give him that extra boost of confidence, just to keep him loving what he is doing. yet this is not completely a good thing, because i am giving him false confidence, i am bluffing him, and bluffing myself. i just dont know what to do la.


anyway, thanks blog for being there for me to rant. today was just overwhelmingly pissifying and everyone's studying for their tests and exams and whatnot so i guess i just had to rant it all to the blog eh haha

and tomorrow theres argumentative essay test.

oh no